feeling sad again

Today I saw r again..outside augustus room. Its feel so terrible. Feel painful. I just dont know they dont know what she has been doing and up to. Seeing her walking off with sh. I feel so painful ;(

How I wish she can explain.to me and let me.feel.better.

I just cant take take this shit anymore. The feeling of jealousy its.super painful. 

 

Why cant she just fucked off and lemme feel better. 😦

 

 

you

13 Ways You Know You’re Dating A High-Quality Woman

Hahahaha. Probably this will be my checklist when I am ready for my next one.

Thank you s for eeverything. You really impacted my life alot. You have taught me how to pick up my depressing life to a happy life

To be myself. To believe im aint that bad

Giving me courage and a string mindset.

If you aint attach probably I would have woo you. Im just kidding.

 

Side note:  best friends cant be lover. 😦 I really do not want to lose you

 

been wanting to post this

 

The clocks clearly displays the time now is 0233am. Hope I will be asleep by 3am. I just wanna jot this feeling down before I forget.

 

Let first talk about sad matter. Loserly, I have been texting r. Knowing that I shouldn’t text her but insisted myself to. I read this article about meetig ur ex in the streets and asking them how are you.   Well I been lying to myself with this article. Making use of this article so that I could say hi to my ex. Well. R was been nice and texted back. And from then on we have been exchanging messages to a point she don’t feel like replying me anymore.

 

I guess slowly I became a nuisance. I am Starting to feel back de same way was before. Nevertheless, I promised s and my god sis v.ong that I will never patch or get back tgt with her as I will cause myself to be in misery again.

Apparently lim didnt reply at all. I could feel theres no form.of returning back or salvaging it as a friend anymore.  Im sorry lim, everytime I think of you. It reminds.me of your family trip to mbs. You were thst special to me. That’s mesmerising to me. That’s courteous and gentle. Im sorry that I hurted you 😦

Updates about my life. Last friday 28 march. I watched captain anerica with neo and bay.   It was a good movie. Love the action scene and mystical power they have in them

.   A week ago caught a movie divergent. Really makes me feel that life aint about making choices. But is about making a choice and you live with it and aint regret.

Gradually I realised they became my movies buddies. You see it made me reflect only when im single and free, I can choose freely to watch movie my friendship and brotherhood. but when im attached. I care so much about de relationship. I know its unhealthy. But to me, once we commit to each other. I will give u my faithfulness and trust andmy time

old photos

im not sure why tonight feels especially sorrow and sad.

how I wish I could share this feeling with someone. for the fact I don’t trust anyone and it’s really hard to gain a trust from someone.

I have to say I do miss her. shes has really made a big impacted in my life. she turned me into a demon once I found she had done smth wrong against me.

the fact she hide the truth from me and caused me to lost the basic trust I have for her. I can’t find the reason how should I forgive her. even I do forgive, I can’t forget such thing have happened before. ezann called me a mcp/msp. and she said obviously I am. that affected me quite a lot.

nevertheless, looking the past photos we took together. I realised shes a pretty lady. indeed I have fallen deep for her. i feel really sorry towards myself. I realised compared to v and r, I am crazily in love with r. shes a addictive lover 🙂

im not sure why I told her that I gave half the effort to love her. but actually I given my everything to her. my time my effort my love. man. im getting emotional here.

seeing the Taiwan photo stored in my phone was like sugar rush. all those love I used to have for her. all those dinner we went together. little excursion that we enjoyed. sigh. indeed. she really do love me and gave me more that her relationship.  but I didnt appreciate it or see this till I broke up with her and review r and I photo one by one.

failure in twice relationship made me feel a little lost of faith in love. first one was v, because she left Canada our relationship got bland and slowly we drifted apart.

next was r, I ddidnt dare to show the world I have her as girlfriend. and im scared of this and that. but deep inside I have love her like madly.

im not sure how am I gonna love the next one. im not sure how am I gonna behave towards her. what kind of her im looking for her. is It what will come it will come.

and of course I always forget the other side of my coin. what have to go it must go.

I really wish both of them will be well and strong ; (